Haha
God has a sense of humor. He really does, and I felt it this last week. Last weekend I was bemoaning my financial situation and He heard my cries. He responded with glee, I believe, and he gave me one crazy week of subbing and nannying. Sub all day, nanny at night. Sub all day, nanny at night. Sub all day, go to Spanish class, and meet out of town friends for dinner. Sub all day, nanny at night. Friday I didn't have a sub job, though I certainly wouldn't have turned one down, and my weekend is normal, having two nanny jobs at night.It was good. It was really good. It was a chance to say "this is crazy, but I'm making money and God is providing", and that was the humor. The humor in the fact that I absolutely hated subbing this week, I questioned my ability to teach and my love of teaching. I questioned why I even liked kids. Luckily, I think I am able to chalk it up to experience and move forward.
But I'll admit it. I cried once this week. After a long day with fifth graders, wherein the next door teacher came in to tell them they were being too loud (how embarrassing for me), I spend the evening nannying a cute boy and girl. They were absolutely fine until bedtime. In fact, I thought we had had a great evening. But when I announced bedtime the 5 year old boy turned on me, became defiant and rude. He told me I was annoying that he didn't want me coming back. That didn't rattle me, as at that point HE was becoming annoying and I certainly understand if I might annoy a little kid. I told them that was fine, I would tell his mom, and I probably wouldn't come back. But then we had an argument over a pen, and he called me a jerk. And that did it. I cried. Because a 5 year old called me a jerk. OHHHHHHH. Frustration.
But it's over. And on Monday I get to go to a class where I have been before and I at least understand the dynamics, how the classroom is run, etc.
In the meantime, I have to laugh off the last week and try to reassure myself that when the time comes when I (hopefully) have my own classroom, I will have made my own classroom procedures and will have full reign over it all. I won't have to question my own authority or the rules, what's normal behavior and what's abnormal behavior. I am looking forward to that day.
posted by Meghan @ 12:30 PM
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